Sunday, July 31, 2011

Sunshine & Rainbows

So I was going to make a post about different party ideas floating around my head and other somewhat sunshiney thoughts, but the truth is that would be a lie. I don't feel sunshiney these days and I am on a kick to be more honest and less fake about how I really feel. I have some sick need to scratch at my "scabs" to really reveal so long buried screwy feelings and thoughts from my life.

I have a very tumultuous relationship with an important member of my family. I can remember it as always being a very volatile situation. We are both to blame and we both definitely have done some major damage to each other. I know we both love each other deeply, at least I know that, if this person knows that or not I cannot really say.

I stumbled across a show on the OWN channel call the The O'Neal's. It's a great show all about the relationship or lack of one for the last 25 years of Ryan and Tatum O'Neal and it really hits home with some of the trouble I have gone through with a family member. Not saying that our problems/issues are the same but the nature of the hurt and the kind of where do we go from here feeling. I think its been a good show for me to watch and maybe even become more introspective with what my role has been in the breakdown of this relationship.

Where I go from here with this person in my life I don't know, but I know that right this second nothing will change and in the meantime I can only try and be the best me I know how to be at this time....